The Mafat Conspiracy

I've played a lot of old school games and this one might technically be "retro", but it is the epitome of s@#t. Granted, the game was actually a "throw-in" when I purchased my new Yobo (2 in one SNES and NES Chinese console) so I didn't have to pay anything for it, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that this game is s@#t. In addition to the aforementioned, I had never even heard of this game let alone ever dreamt that I would be reviewing it on this site. I don't know about you, but I thought that I had played damn near everything for the NES. You should have seen the look of surprise when this grey turd fell out of the UPS box last Tuesday.

Anyway, The Mafat Conspiracy stars the main character from another game you probably have never heard of called "Golgo 13" or some s@#t like that. Basically, you are some sort of disenchanted sniper who goes around Europe killing random people in the streets and wandering into storefronts and the like to murder more people. Honestly, this game is just utter nonsense. Let me take it from the top.

Once you power up the console you are greeted by an insanely long intro that basically repeats the same six lines of text over and over again. Eventually you will find yourself on the first level where you have no weapons except for a kick, sweep and jumpkick. Honestly, the graphics were quite good which was very unexpected, but that is all I can say is good about this game. Your character is wearing a white suit and strolls casually with his hand in his pocket. Honestly, it is more of a strut (think the Parker Bros. Monopoly guy). Anyway, you strut to the right of the screen kicking the living s@#t out of everything. Once you reach the end, some weird guy hands you a Colt Python handgun and instructs you to walk further to the right. Well, he doesn't say that, but you get the point. 

Stage 2: Walk further to the right...

In the next stage you walk to the right and shoot everyone. The only difference is that the enemies now have guns and their bullets move faster than yours and fire in bursts. Not to mention, the enemies are practically running at you firing so it is really easy to die. It was during this stage that I managed to walk up into a doorway only to find myself in some type of first person purgatory. All I can say about this POV is that it makes Friday The 13th look like f@#king Halo 3. Imagine nothing but 3D grey walls and a compass. 

Now all we need is a f@#king compass...

I turned the game off at this point. So to sum this game up in three words... piece of s@#t. Sorry for wasting your f@#king time with this one. I just had to get this written down somewhere.

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Taking it to the streets Pt. 1; Street Fighter 2 vs Mortal Kombat 1 and 2

Having spent a great deal of time during my youth crouched in front of a television pummeling any takers at a game of any Street Fighter 2 and Mortal Kombat, I thought it might be fun to compare and contrast the 16 bit era of the franchises to see (in my mind) which comes out on top. In this first installment of "Taking it to the streets", I'm going to discuss the basics of character selection and general gameplay.

If you are like me, you love to play a fighting game and win with every character while utilizing all of their special moves and combos and both of these franchises offer many different characters that utilize all kinds of crazy s@#t which is where we'll begin. 

In terms of unique characters, I would have to say that Street Fight 2 takes the cake. In fact, it takes the whole f@#king bakery. Looking at the character select screen in any of the SF2 titles you will see an interesting array of characters from all over the world. Each character is not only uniquely detailed, but are of varying shapes and sizes. Not only can you be a huge badass sumo wrestler or an electrical current wielding beast, but you can actually play as the leader of the game. How cool is that s@#t. You don't even have to know a crazy ass code to do it. That is just flat out cool. 

Don't get me wrong, MK 1 and 2 have their fair share of unique characters, but some of these guys just lack creativity. I mean, did they rush this game out the door or something. Who was the genius who said, "lets just cut and paste a bunch of ninjas and then change their colors." Pretty f@#king original Sega, I'm surprised you didn't color it blue and make it run really f@#king fast too. In addition to the cutting and pasting, MK 1 and 2 had a bad habit of blurry and poorly designed backgrounds, but we'll get to that later.

Control "C" + Control "V" = More Playable Characters

Anyway, in regards to overall character uniqueness the edge clearly has to go to the SF2 titles. Personally, I always enjoyed playing as Vega or Fei Long (who I think looks a tad bit like Noel Gallagher). As for MK 1 and 2, I always enjoyed Kano and Liu Kang, but all the players were essentially the same just different colors. 

"I feel love in the shock of the lightning..."

Moving on to my general gameplay thoughts between these two franchises. On of my biggest complaints of fighting titles of the 16 bit era was the total lack of diversity between characters. I mean, yeah they all look a tad different (or just a different color...), but they all move and control exactly the same. Think about it. In MK 1 and 2 all the characters had the same moves and same motions while attacking. The only real difference might be the color of the s@#t that they fire from their fingertips or the one or two specialty moves character specific. Looking at SF2, the character all had unique moves that not only were visually different, but controlled differently. For instance, Balrog might wind up to punch whereas Ken strikes quickly. I mean, you actually feel like there are different characters for different fighting styles. In regards to MK, didn't it feel like all the characters where exactly the same. The game just felt rushed to me, it could/should have been so much more.

I am still to this day a bit frustrated that SF2 didn't have any type of "finishing move", but then again the game offered players so much more. Speaking of finishers, that was one thing that MK did really well. We had never seen anything quite like it in a game before and man it didn't disappoint (granted all this is laughable at this point, but it was cool to us back then). I think I would still give the edge in this overall gameplay category to SF2, but I would call it close due to the novelty of the finishing moves. Although MK did get laughable in the second installment with all that other s@#t that they threw in. You know what, f@#k that. SF2 by a mile in this category due to the aforementioned Friendship/Babality crap.

The final thing I want to tackle in this first installment is the difficulty of pulling off a special move or finisher. Personally, I feel that it is easier to find God than to execute some of the Fatalities in the MK series. Don't get me wrong, tearing out some poor bastards heart is pretty cool, but at the risk of having an aneurism to do it, no thanks. All of the other gameplay moves in MK are actually quite simple to pull off. In fact, there are quite a few similarities between both the series in this regard. I do feel like SF2 was somewhat limited in the special move category due to the lack of finishers, but it was still cool to have unique characters with unique moves. I mean, sure they all throw fire balls and s@#t, but in SF2 they have unique punches, kicks and uppercuts etc (and they talk when they do it). So yeah, this category is close with maybe an edge to MK cause I'm feeling generous and don't want to blow out MK on the first day. 

Stay tuned for Pt 2 where I'll delve into storyline and replay value of the titles!

That f@#king Paperboy!

Was there a more difficult game on the NES than Paperboy? Seriously, I've been playing and replaying this god damn atrocity for the last 20 years and without cheating I can only make it to Wednesday. I'm to the point where if I play this game before bed I wind up seeing visions of kids on big wheels and dogs and s@#t. Anyway, I wanted to post a quick review of Paperboy on the NES so you all can rot in retro gamer purgatory with me.

By now we are all familiar with the concept of this game as well as the objective (deliver your papers without getting smashed to bits by everything in the physical universe). Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if you have to dodge meteors and s@#t in the last level. I still think this game is just as difficult as Silver Surfer (although more fun). See, I can't get away from how hard this thing is. 

Alright, bearing down, the actual gameplay is really smooth and not terribly difficult to master. My only real complaint (aside from the aforementioned) is perhaps the reason it is so difficult; lack of movement. Let's think about this for a minute. You can only maneuver that bike slightly to either side and cannot stop. You are perpetually moving toward your doom. The gameplay can best be described as inoperable cancer. You know you are going to die it is just a matter of when. Seriously though, if you could move more to the right or perhaps stop and sacrifice time for safety this game might be playable. I swear there is only one path to victory. The game feels like a "try and die" instead of the fun game it was probably intended to be.

Gameplay aside, the graphics and music are about what you would expect from the NES at the time. Personally, I think that the game is better than its N64 counterpart (creatively titled "Paperboy 64" or some s@#t like that.) Believe it or not, I would recommend buying this game. I think that any true NES/retro gamer ought to have a copy of this game in the pile somewhere. I mean, I have a copy and I despise this f@#ker, but I still play it. Honestly, I just want to finish it without cheating before I croak some day.

The Retro Review Attack is Here!

Big news fellow old school gamers! After harassing the s@#t out of Mike over at Attack This for the last week or so, he has been gracious enough to allow me to become a guest contributor for the site! Personally, I think it freaked him out when I was lurking around outside his window during dinner this past weekend (sorry about those flowers, I'll replace them). So anyway, in addition to my short reviews on this site as well as the more gamer focused blogs on 2.0, I will be posting in depth retro gaming reviews on Attack This. 

Needless to say, I am very excited to be working alongside Mike, Faith and The Lam. To read my AT bio click here, and for my intro article click here. Lots of good stuff on the way!

Ninja Gaiden

One of my favorite games off all time that I never owned had to be Ninja Gaiden on the NES. Fortunately, growing up in a neighborhood of gaming nerds, there was always a bunch of games circulating among us. Anyway, I wanted to give props to one of my favorite titles of that "era" Ninja Gaiden. 

The game begins with a really cool "video" featuring a couple of dueling ninjas and some cool music. After the "video" you get some story and before you know it you are dashing to the right slashing up bad guys and throwing shurikens at anything in your way. One of my favorite features in this game is the ability to wall jump. I mean, is there any more useful technique in any video game? Seriously, how much cooler would most games be if you included a wall jump? Anyway, the game is pretty straightforward and enjoyable like many other titles of the genre.

In regards to the controls, they are quite straightforward and responsive. I can't recall ever having any lag issues or anything with Ninja Gaiden. Let's take a second and talk about the graphics. If there is one thing that I've noticed about Tecmo is that there graphics are strikingly similar in all there games. If you have ever played Tecmo Bowl, you may see some things that will make you do a double-take in this one. Other than that, I would be hard pressed to take issue with anything in this game (and I don't really take issue with that anyway).

I'm not going to throw out that line about if you're a true classic gamer you should own this game, but I am going to let you know that I have this one ordered through Amazon and am hoping to add it to my collection by the end of the week. Anyway, thanks for stopping in today and getting your classic gaming fix here.

Jaws

Now I've played some real pieces of s@#t in my day, but Jaws ranks among one of the worst. I'm assuming many of you haven't played this one or likely didn't even know it existed, well, it does and it is s@#t. With that said, I have to say that I never owned this "thing", but did play it on a couple of occasions with my old school gaming brother Charles. 

The game is actually quite simple and easy to play, but it is monotonous and boring as hell. You basically pilot your boat around an nondescript sea/ocean and wait for an alarm which stops your boat and tosses a diver into the water. Once you are in the water you fight a bunch of pissed off crabs, jellyfish and other assorted hostile sea-life. Eventually, you will get the chance to kill some little sharks and even encounter the infamous Jaws. 

As climactic as you might expect an encounter with Jaws to be, this game is a lot like fishing a quarter out of your local malls fountain. I mean, sure you got a quarter, but you look like an asshole for diving in after it. I'm not too sure how that equates with this game, but an encounter with Jaws is lame and damn near pointless. Speaking of other pointless aspects of this game, there are a number of bonus levels/stages that are truly... bizarre. I particularly enjoy the stage where you fly an airplane that drops cannon balls on jellyfish. I mean, I remember that from the movie...

Anyway, I'd rather have a pap-smear than play this one again. If you want to give it a try, I'm sure you can get a copy of this one dirt cheap just about anywhere. I think I've talked about this one enough. I'm not even going to waste bandwidth on video footage from YouTube.

Super C

After writing a review for Contra on the NES, I thought it would be a good idea to post a quick review of Super C. If you are or have been a fan of the original Contra, you undoubtedly already love Super C. In my opinion the original Contra is "better", but in essence they are the same game. Think of Super C as a handful of extra levels stacked onto the end of the original. Having said that, lets dive into the "nitty-gritty" of this game.

One of the first things you will notice is the amount of enemies, in short, there are a hell of a lot more than the original. Secondly, you will likely notice that there are new weapons as well as new takes on old ones. In addition to the aforementioned differences and similarities, the bosses are now a bit more detailed and "interactive". By this I am referring to the fact that you can actgually leap onto them and over to attack from different areas. In the first Contra, you touch them you die. 

Another game play aspect that I enjoyed was the more interactive nature of the levels. I mean, in the original game the stages were kind of cookie-cutter and didn't really move or explode etc. In this game you have sinkholes, emergent pitfalls as well as more elevators and the like. Personally, I think these aspects really add to the overall run and gun Contra experience. 

In regards to the Contra series there is one thing I don't understand. Why are more than half of the enemies in the game "joggers"? I mean, most of the time it is like you're running a 10k out there. Why wouldn't the regime/alien war race not equip half of their soldiers with any weapons? Granted their "touch" can "kill", but come on a bullet is so much more efficient. 

I'm not going to dive into the controls and other game play aspects because they are exactly the same as the first. I have to say that the music isn't as good, but definitely falls in line with the original. Anyway, if you enjoyed the first game you will enjoy the second (just don't expect anything too new). Definitely a cool game to have in your NES collection.

Contra

Was there a better side-scrolling run and gun than Contra? Yeah, I didn't think so. Contra was hands down (and arguably still is) one of the greatest run and guns of all time. Not only did this game set the bar, but spawned a plethora of imitators. Regardless, at some point you have to had played this game. Whether you were "lucky" enough to pump a few thousand quarters into an arcade machine or cool enough to own the NES cartridge, you were privy to one of the greatest games of all time.

With that said, lets take a look at Contra for the NES. Unless you've been living under a rock the twenty or so years, you undoubtedly are familiar with the famous "code" that gives you a ton of extra lives. In my opinion (and with my playing style), you need all the lives you can get in this one. Now I've seen people blow through this game without losing a single life, but not me and probably not anyone reading this post. 

Getting to the actual game, the story has been somewhat forgotten to me over the last decade or so, but I remember something to do with aliens and drugs or something to that effect. Honestly, it really doesn't effect the enjoyability factor of this game. In regards to game-play, there are several cool aspects as opposed to simply charging to the right of the screen whilst leaving a trail of devastation in your wake. Granted, some of the levels require the aforementioned tactic, there is a bit of diversity to break up what might be considered monotonous over time. Contra also offers a series of 3D levels that require some dodging as well as precision shooting and timing. Upon completion of these levels you are often thrust back into run and gun action only to be greeted by massive bosses and enemies which are really bad ass. 

As for the overall control in this game. Well, what is there to say... The controls are responsive and there aren't really too many spots where you can fall victim of bad control or "handling". I would have to say that the game really delivers in a number of areas, not limited to what we've already mentioned. I particularly enjoy the strategy behind choosing weapons. The first time through the game you are likely to simply grab whatever weapon floats by whereas after a few run-throughs you will be a bit more selective (knowing what is ahead). 

Let's see, let's see... In regards to graphics and music Contra is quite satisfying. Although nothing terribly memorable, the music fits the game and is almost 8-Bit Sci-Fi'y and upbeat to fit the themes of the differing levels accordingly. As for graphics, they are pretty detailed for an 8-Bit game and don't glitch out when too much s@#t is flying about. Honestly, this is just a really good game all around and ought to be owned by any real fan of the NES or old school gaming. I mean, this is where a lot of the run and guns come from and many of the more modern games pay homage. 

Blood Omen; Legacy of Kain

The Blood Omen or Legacy of Kain series is (in my own opinion) one of the greatest cross-platform stories of all time. Whether you are a fan of RPG, Slashers or Fighting games this series really delivers. However, as you may already know, I will be reviewing all of the games in this series over the next handful of posts and am beginning today with the PS1's installment; Blood Omen; Legacy of Kain.

LOK arrived on the scene during the heyday of the PS1 and didn't really look like anything too special when it was released, but introduced the story of Kain a murdered nobleman who was resurrected to seek revenge on his killers and expose the broader conspiracy behind his untimely death. The story begins with a short video of the slow demise of Nosgoth and how Kain's murder goes down. Basically, you are thrust into game play and storyline quickly which is a plus for impatient gamers like myself who just want to "get to it". 

Having said that, I have to say that the voice acting and story lines and arcs are top-shelf for a game of this era. The characters voices are done by professional voice talent and are true to the characters they represent and the videos supplement the story quite well. Honestly, the only real complaint I have in that regard is to the glyph symbols on the ground that freeze the game play and show an image, but I should explain those before I go too far ahead. The aforementioned glyphs are red triangular marks on the ground that glow red. Upon walking over a glyph one of three things happens. Of the three, the first will merely provide a narrative while game play continues, the second will provide a cut-scene and the third will display a picture and perhaps a voice-over. Honestly, I think it is a cool system because you are able to explore a room or dungeon before a fight or cut-scene. I mean, how often do you walk too far into a room and initiate a battle when all you were doing was exploring? I hate that s@#t.

Alright, getting back on track here, as I mentioned earlier, the story is great and definitely leaves a lot of room for surprise and treachery. In fact, I would have to say that Kain's story arc is perhaps one of the most interesting of any game character up to this point in gaming. 

In regard to the game play, I think the game is smooth and doesn't glitch up too much except when you get a lot of s@#t on the screen like the battle with King Ottmar and the Nemesis. Other than that things run quite well. I do have to complain about the weapon screen though, this bitch is the slowest screen ever. Don't get me wrong, it is cool to see Kain in his gear, but why does it take so long to load a f@#king picture? This isn't Atari! Other than that, you won't get any more complaints from me about this one. 

Lets talk about the music, graphics and sound effects. Simply put, top-shelf. There are a couple of things I don't get though. The strange ranking on the menu screen that tells how many people you've killed. I can never seem to raise my status from Whelp. I guess I just don't kill enough enemies or people or whatever... The music establishes the mood and the sound effects really capture the mayhem and environments. I do wish there was more thunder, lightning and rain during the early stages of the game though. 

As for the overall difficulty of this game, I have to say that the game isn't too hard unless you go out of your way to make it difficult on yourself. I mean, if you feel the need to kill everything and find every nook and cranny you will likely find the game more difficult, but if you just stick to the story and main areas it isn't too rough. Don't get me wrong, explore! You are going to want all the weapons, armor and items you can get and I'm not even going to mention the Soul Reaver! I also really enjoyed how the game tricks you into thinking there is a lot left when you are near the end. I think you watch the demise of the last couple of bosses and the leader of the game in a 3 minute span. Pretty sweet in my opinion how it goes down as well. 

One thing I also noticed in this LOK installment was how the game ended. By this I mean that it felt as though the game designers didn't anticipate making another LOK game. The way it ends is pretty final. I mean, it looks like they could create a part 2 or 3 or whatever, but they didn't stretch it to fit that mold like the Halo games or Sonic or whatever. 

All in all, I would highly recommend picking up this game even if you don't consider it a classic because it is highly enjoyable and will definitely generate interest in learning more about Kain and his good ole legacy. Thanks for tuning in everybody, go restore those pillars...